I’m still here. I’m still me. Yes, my life has changed considerably, but the core person that I am has not changed. Will I ever be my old self entirely? Probably not. I’ve seen things that have changed me forever, but the person God created me to be is still here, very much alive and within me.
I never would have anticipated the hole I would sink into upon becoming a foster parent. The hole undoubtedly has tried to swallow me, but I’m not one to succumb to failure. I have fought the good fight and I will continue to fight because that is what He has asked me to do. And in the midst of this great tragedy that surrounds us every day, I will continue to strive forward and look for the hope that I lost along the way. I will find my old self, the one who could laugh easily. The one who enjoyed her students and her family. The one who loved to be teased and joked around with.
That girl is not gone; she’s just been buried for a while under a ton of debris. Debris that stems from a very broken system. Debris accumulated from the hurt of a young lady that now lives in my home. Debris from a woman so broken, battered, and bruised that she forgot how to take care of herself and her children. Debris from the darkness and sadness of sin I had not previously witnessed first-hand.
Faith. Hope. Trust. Unfailing Love. The promises of my savior. I have to get back to the root of my beliefs. I have to stand firm on the promises made in His word. I have to remember that although I cannot see it with my own eyes, progress is being made. Lives are changing. Healing is taking place. Good will prevail over evil.
It is in this dark valley He has reminded me of who I am. I am His, He is mine. Through Him, I can do all things. I am more than a conqueror.
Grateful is how I feel today. Grateful He chose me. Grateful that He never gives up on me. Grateful that when I feel alone and that the burden is too heavy to bear, He is carrying me.
So, I’m digging my way back out of the hole, throwing off the debris into a giant fire so that it will be reduced to ashes. I’m thanking and praising Him that through the fire, He’s been my protector and provider. And through the fire He has molded me into a new version of myself. Someone whose eyes have been forever changed and will from now on see the world and the people in it differently, in a good way.
I can’t wait to see His glory revealed in all of this! I’m holding onto the hope that He’s still in the business of performing miracles and I can’t wait to see how it all unfolds.
Much love,
Kristin
Made For More 