Choosing Courage

Last night at my women’s Bible study group, the topic of being vulnerable came up. A friend shared this quote from Brene Brown. “We can choose courage or we can choose comfort, but we can’t have both. Not at the same time. Vulnerability is not winning or losing; it’s having the courage to show up and be seen when we have no control over the outcome.”

These words describe so perfectly how I feel as a foster parent. So far this journey has not been one of great joy. Never in my life have I felt more raw or exposed or vulnerable. But I’ve also never felt more alive or more on the path He has for me and my family.

For those of you who know me well, you would call me a bit of a control freak. My OCD tendencies are strong and have been in place for many years. A false sense of control I’ve clung to in order to feel I have some level of control on this roller coaster ride called life. Being a foster parent has been a real struggle for me because I have zero control over anything. I can’t control the courts decisions. I can’t control my DHS case worker or the fact that there is currently zero communication. I can’t control my foster daughter’s choices, no matter how hard I try to help her see things in a new way. I can’t control how long she will be with us or if we she will be returned to her bio mom. Nada. Zip. Zero. That is the level of control I have.

What’s truly behind this need to control? I think it boils down to one thing, fear. Fear has dominated and controlled much of my life. It has been the driving force behind many of my decisions. It has kept me locked up in chains and prevented me from living the life God has called me to live AND from fully enjoying my life. It’s time to kick FEAR out of my life and choose courage instead.

God is opening the window of opportunity for me to learn some valuable lessons through our foster parenting journey. One of those lessons is to LET GO. Surrender. Give up this false sense of control I’ve clung to for much of my life. And somewhere in the midst of the unknown, find peace. Find joy. Find the faith and trust in him He so desires from me.

Do I choose comfort or do I choose courage? Choosing comfort would definitely be the easy way to go, but it won’t lead to anything fruitful in my life. Courage seems to be the path to freedom and a purposeful life. So how do I choose courage and let His peace reign and rule in my life simultaneously?

Letting go. Letting go of the false sense of control I’ve clung to much of my life. Letting go of the need to plan and prepare and think I know what lies ahead for me and my family. Letting go of anger, hurt feelings, the pain of my past, and the unmet desires of my heart. Letting go because I know HE is in control.

Greater is HE who is in me, then he who is in the world. He who hath begun a good work in me will carry it on until the day of completion in Christ Jesus. He has called me out of darkness into His marvelous light. If God is for me, who then can be against me?

If I choose to pick up my cross and follow him daily, what do I have to fear? He has not given me a spirit of fear, but of power, and of love, and of sound mind. He is in control. What more do I need in order to feel peace, love, joy?

So today, I choose courage. I choose to banish fear. I choose to live at peace with the path I am on. I choose to surrender, let go, and let God. What do you choose?